My Father died
Alone

Without anyone

Important
Little things weren’t said
Between us
There were no clues
But
We were getting there

Hands across his heart
Was it for pain?
Was it for a peaceful ride?
Straight to heaven

Did the cigarettes take their toll on his lungs?

I just do not know
But
I’m still crying now

That we never finished our journey

It’s time to reveal in my late years
I struggle
I’m not close

I try and make a life
I try to be a Dad
And a husband

A step dad
A friend to anyone
As long as I can speak my mind

I struggle

I am a wanton loner
In my heart
I’ve been a winner
A loser
A fool
A clever bastard
A dumb bastard at times

But I’m proud
And that seems to get me through
I’m decent
And that helps
But I’m really sad most days
About my world
Our world
And the disasters ahead

Kids rule
Dogs rule
And wives need to be free
Governments piss me off
And family is a burden of love
Work keeps me financial but travel is in my heart

I’ll try until the end of my time
Which is an unknown?
I’ll love those who love me
And care little of those who don’t

But I struggle, I’m not close

Marriages do not have to be perfect
Who said that?
And
Marriages do not have to be all consuming
Who thought that?
And
Marriage only needs to be what it needs to be

Two people totally free to express their love
For each other with faithfulness

All other things are delusional

A Park Ranger shattered my faith today
In things so simple
Like a BBQ in a park

My car parked wrong
My dog off a leash

Serious shit
Requiring government intervention

Appointed saviours
Of the free Australian BBQ

And once again my killer dog
Was caught red handed
Licking people

Age wearies me at times
And sure
The years do fly
And
This matriarch forgives you all
As time goes by

Memories stalk of golden days
And sure
Bad days make me cry
And
I see in you the youth I was
As time goes by

The kisses are all gone now
And sure
My smiles a rather wry
And
In this nursing home I sit
Waiting for God or family

As time goes by

What a lovely place to walk
Down memory lane
With friends
And
Enemies
And
Old loves or new
With those who know my life well
It’s a pleasure
To reminisce
Down memory lane
Where laughter is free

It wasn’t long ago
I wrote my funeral song
Then I realised sadly
That such a thing was wrong

When I think again of life
I just want to cry
My life must go forever
I have not the time to die

There are so many things in life
I still have to do
All written down by my wife
On a list I’m working through

Things like the garden bed
She wants over there
Or mending a squeaky gate
Repairing an old chair

It’s a list of pages plenty
No comfort for a man like I
For sadly living with this woman
I have not the time to die

Be not sad at all
For
I’ve had my day
My time
I’ve had long enough
And even if
Short in your mind
I doubt I missed a thing

I am glad you outlived me
For now I know
What you will say
And say it from your heart
With gusto
If I gave you something
I am glad
And if I gave you not enough
Then I am the one in mourning
Forever now

If you knew me I loved you
For I hated not
And will have always loved dearly
My family
My friends, and
Challenged
Enemies to find my heart

Regale away
For me
Old man
About battles and things

Wars of sacrifice and lost mates
All
For me and my children
Our freedom

Of mates still here
For you
And
Tears for all
And
Shiny medals and a big march
In April

Guts and glory
Long ago

I’ll come with you in my imagination
And
Live your dreams
Old man

But

As sad as they are
As exciting
As horrific

When the blood spills over
And
Your anger shows

Then I raise my glass
Realise my luck
And thank God
I was not there with you

For I am not that brave

And my brother fought unknowing
Who were enemy and friend?
And searched not for reasons to defend a mate
Only a forced government whim
And he has a greater reason to come home
For it all comes down to this
Dulce bellum inexpertis
But not for me